i just fell like dying....everything is good for the most part but then wh do i feel like it would be better to die.....the only thing that keeps me hear are my friends because they wouldnt forgive me...but i still feel like dying

fuck food who needs it.. i can even eat bite without feeling like shit. i made pasta an ate one bite before i was like i might throw up

so i just realized how fucked up our world is. vanity is our down fall. im at my cousins house aand my lil cousin has a bown a cereal read the nutrition facts and wow was like reading fat grams and shit. my older cousins thinks she fat but she no trust i would say its fuckedup the pressure

my body is so sore from working 5am to 3pm this past week its worht but i dont want to do it i miss ny. i want to see my friends and party. this saturday i will party hard. who knows what that will bring, i might do something i regret or nor but either way. im going to enjoy myself

how far should on go. how long should you wait. i dont know. when is enough enough. the more i think about it the more i need a vecation. a place to go where know one knows. a place to go to think and i dont know maybe never return

what do you do when the one thing that you need to tll people you cant tell because you know the outcome and it would just make things worst. do you still do it or do it hold it in. because if you tell you feel better about that and it wont way you down but then you have a new issue to deal with . or do you keep it in and hope that time does it job and move on. Is it wrong wanting to disappear start a new life with no backround brand new leaving ur friends and family behind never to seee them again. is it wrong to feel this way so emotionally dissturbed by your own doing and by your heart that you cant control destroy you. or do jsut go on ith life like nothing is wrong and pretend to be ahppy so people think ur happy......pooof .....im gone

so its tuesday morning extremmly tired i have to go the library to print shit out for class today. i think the reason im so tired is because i abuse my body everynight with partying and drugs. idk..ihsve a problem i have money i have to spend it on something and drugs are jsut around....w.e
i dig my own grave.